Message Deleted
by Dokuganryu
Summary: Klavier hasn't been coping well since putting away his bother and best friend, in fact he's started to rely on the bottle to survive. Apollo tries to be there for him, even admitting his true feelings to him, anything to stop Klavier from drinking. It doesn't work. TW: Depression, Alcoholism, abuse, suicidal themes. M because i can't make it T .


**Dark themes throughout folks. This is a lot darker than my usual stuff.**

It was strange how things changed in the space of roughly half a year. Was it fair for so much to happen to a single person? Klavier thought not. His brother, tried for murder and thrown in jail then straight after that his best friend of fuck knows how long. His best friend was a liquor bottle now. Then there was that defence attorney, the one with the glaringly large forehead that stood against him in court. He was cute, cute enough to warrant Klavier's attention anyway not unlike how he lavished attention on his female fans, or stupid whores as Kristoph had said on more than one occasion.

_"__Nobody will ever truly love you like I do, Klavier. Mein kleiner Bruder . Your friends, your fans, they're all using you. They will toss you aside like you mean nothing to them. I will never do that, I will always be here for you."_

___So where are you now, Kristoph? As I clean out another bottle of expensive wine, and another, and another? You're gone. What's left for me now? Apollo? How can I give him a chance after what happened with Daryan? I gave him a chance and he went and fucking did that. Bastard._ He reclined on the sofa, the now empty bottle of wine hung loosely from his hand as he drifted in and out of deep thoughts.

At the start of the year he'd had it all. What did he have now? Both of his careers seemed to be spiralling downhill what with a split up band and no cases, though the latter was his own choice. Kristoph was his rock, his absolute everything and learning to live without him was the hardest thing Klavier had ever done. Visiting him brought too much back, physically and emotionally and he just couldn't bare to see his face knowing what was coming to him. Death.

_"__Look at the mess you've made now mein kleiner bruder. You couldn't just leave it alone could you? Did you not realise what you'd done? Sent your older bother to his death. You have killed me Klavier. You are the reason I will die by the end of the year. Wright and Justice had their part to play but you..You were there cheering them on like one of your own moronic groupies." _

So this was what he'd become. Wallowing in the thought of his brother's death. His fault. It was all his fault. ___No it's not, he brought it on himself. He killed and so should be killed. _How Klavier wished he could think such thoughts._ No, he should be so fucking lucky. ____It's my fault. It's my fault. Mein bruder. You're going to die and it's my fault._

Time seemed to grind to a halt after he'd found out the date of Kristoph's execution. How long had it been now? Days or weeks? Maybe even a month? He could check his call log and see how many voice mails he had from Apollo. Or he could just drown himself in liquor. The latter seemed more favourable. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to Apollo, it was that he couldn't bring himself to. Not after everything.

___[Message start] "Klavier? It's Apollo here. I don't know if you will get this, or if you got my other messages but could you call me? Text me? Please...You're starting to scare me by being like this. I mean, things were looking good for us...Then things went wrong huh? I'm still not sure...What exactly. Anyway, drop me a line soon please."[END]_

He remembered the day Apollo had admitted his feelings to him. It had been about a week after Daryan's incarceration, he'd called to meet up and see how he was holding up. Klavier hadn't wanted to seem rude so they'd met up at Apollo's apartment. In a way, Klavier knew it was coming, Apollo was as readable as a book to him. Part of him was curious, another was apprehensive, in short he wasn't confident he was prepared to make another go of a relationship. Especially what would be his first intimate one.

___[Message start]"Klavier?! Fuck it's been a month now. Please just fucking talk to me I'm going out of my mind with worry. I can't concentrate...Phoenix keeps telling me to keep trying to get through to you he says pestering works and he's talking from experience. Fuck Klavier please...Just please. I miss you, so much and this is just fucking unfair!"[END]_

"We can start slow...We don't have to do anything you're not okay with Klavier...That is, if you want this?" They'd opened a couple of beers and Apollo was speaking as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be asking these sorts of questions. "Ja, it sounds like it could be interesting, herr forehead. Taking it slow would be best for us both I think." Does he mean that? Does he really want to go through with this? He thinks I'm a different person, he must. He doesn't see me for what I am. Pathetic. Their first date (Apollo had called it that, Klavier wasn't as enthused) had been dinner and then a movie and Apollo had asked him back to his place. Klavier had accepted, once again he didn't want to seem rude, and Apollo had seemed keen on the idea so he decided he would honour his part in this little date.

___[Message Start] "...5 weeks now...Maybe I should stop. I mean even after what you did I want to see you and that must say something right? Please, Klavier. Fuck I just want to hear your voice to know you're alive and not fucking face down in a ditch somewhere. I don't care what you did to me any more...I'm fine! I'm...r-really...ugh" [END]_

It happened on their third date. Apollo had advanced on him, touched him back against the wall and slowly coaxed him into a kiss. He'd shoved him away.___Is this what you wanted? My body? Not me? You said we could take it slow...You...Liar. _Kristoph was right about everything. "W-Wait Klavier! Please don't leave! I'm sorry! We don't have to...Please just don't leave!" The door slammed behind him, he didn't need to look back. Why should he give Apollo that satisfaction?

The vodka burned after the 3rd straight shot, in a good way. It seared his insides, acting as a distraction from that kid. That stupid, stupid kid that just had to go and fucking kiss him like that. His phone continually rang; all Apollo, as he'd assumed. ___Why is he so desperate? Does he need a fuck or something? He...That's what he wants right? That's all anybody wants from me...Kristoph said so._

___[Message Start] "...I can't do this any more. [END]_

"You came back..? W-Wait, you stink of booze...Klavier?" A hand gripped his shirt and threw him back. The same hand held him down against the wall, lips pressed to his ear, "This is what you wanted right? Me like this? You wanted my body so here you fucking go, Herr forehead" He sneered the childish nickname, making fast work of aggressively shoving his tongue down Apollo's throat.

"N-No! N-Not like this..! K-Klavier..." Apollo franticly tried to push him away, finding himself overpowered by the stronger man, feeling tears prick at his eyes as Klavier forced him into a passionate kiss. _Not like this? What the fuck does that mean?_ He didn't stop and he wouldn't stop. The sobs and choked cries fell on deaf ears as Klavier continued to bite, rub, lick and suck on various parts of his skin, leaving a trail of bruising marks.

_Struggling was useless, it was better and easier on them both if he just took it. _Klavier was piss drunk for one thing, he would never do this when he was sober, right? To be honest, as Apollo felt the hand grasp his flaccid length and roughly coax it to harden he couldn't be so sure. ___Is this how it's going to happen? How __us ____is going to happen? _

The weight lifted from him, Klavier's body leaving his own. He was pressed to the wall still, afraid to move. Afraid of, well, Klavier? No...That's not...Right. The retching noises coming from the bathroom disturbed him, but he decided to leave him alone, retreating into his bedroom anxiously. He almost barricaded the door but he couldn't bring himself to do it in case Klavier really did need him. In case the guy who had just tried to rape him needed him.

_"__You shouldn't turn to drink you know, it'll get you nowhere. Trust me, Klavier. I know how easy it can seem to grab a bottle, knock it back and forget everything else but it doesn't solve anything. You end up just as hurt as you were when you first picked up the bottle and you hurt others around you. Don't punish Apollo for this, it's not his fault."_

___Thanks for the advice, Herr Wright.____That worked out so well for you didn't it?_

The scent of stale alcohol and vomit hung thick in the air as he came to, leaning over the edge of the bathtub no less. _Classy. Fucking classy, Klavier._ His head throbbed, as did his knuckles. Just what the fuck had he done last night? The realisation he was in Apollo's bathroom dawned on him, causing a sickness to grip his gut. ___Did I...Hurt him? No...I wouldn't do that. _There was a dent in the door, so that explained why his hand ached, at least he hoped that was the only reason_. _

Groggily he shuffled out of the room after washing his face, calling out for Apollo as he slowly padded about the apartment. Silence greeted him. It concerned him greatly, but he dare not leave in case Apollo came back. He settled on sitting down on the sofa, hazy memories resurfacing as he glanced around the room, flashes of last night forming in his mind. We sat here, had a drink.___ He kissed me...I shoved him? I shoved him. Then left him. No, I can't remember more...That wall over there..? His voice...He was shouting at me...To stop? No. No...I d-didn't..?_

___[Start message] "I said I wouldn't do this. Contact you again, that is. Do you even still use this number? 3 months is a long time after all. Phoenix said he did a lot of waiting, which paid off for him. This is different though isn't it? I'm not him. I can't keep clinging to this hope you're going to call me back, even drop me a message. So Klavier, this is it. My final message to you. I'm deleting your number after I end this call. The ball's in your court now, as they say. Goodbye. [END]_

There was a note on the table, his name was scrawled on it in Apollo's handwriting. Next to it was a glass of water and some painkillers.___"Morning, I didn't know if you'd want something for the hangover you're going to have but I left some stuff out for you anyway. I'll be home about 3 if you want to discuss last night. I'm not sure what else to say to you right now Klavier, just feel better okay? -Apollo"_

The clock read 2:15pm. Klavier downed a couple of the tablets, taking the note and shoving it into his pocket. His head pounded, not from his hangover but just from everything he'd started to remember. Hazy memories of Apollo's voice rung in his ears, ___"Stop. Please...you..This isn't you Klavier! It doesn't have to be this way!" _coupled with the flashes of crashing lips, dragging nails and pinned wrists clouding his vision. He couldn't be here when Apollo got back.

_"__Thank you for the painkillers. -Klavier"_

Apollo had read the note aloud when he'd returned at 3, scrunching the piece of paper in his fist after it sunk it what this note meant. Klavier had gone. He'd run.___I should be angry...I should be so fucking angry. That coward. That utter bastard! _He'd realised he was crying when he felt the coldness drip onto his clenched fist. Why should he cry? Over a guy no less. A guy that he trusted not to ever hurt him. Oh. But he did hurt me. In more ways than one. Klavier...Why? Why did you have to go and ruin this..?

He was surprised when his phone showed a new voice mail. It had felt like a long time since he'd heard Apollo's voice, even if it brought back haunting memories. Klavier dropped the empty bottle from his grip and listened to the message, his attention unfocussed. That is, until he'd heard the word he'd feared. _Goodbye._ Frantic fingers jabbed at his phone as he dialled the number, his heart racing as the dial tone rang out and went to the answer phone. He didn't leave a message, nor did he hang up; eventually it cut him off, but he still clung to the phone with a trembling arm. He couldn't do this, he couldn't talk to him yet. Especially not while he was under the influence of several bottles of wine.

Apollo knew the number was Klavier's, nevertheless he left it to ring out, watching as it vibrated across the table until it stopped abruptly. ___So you leave me a 5 minute empty voice mail and expect me to respond to you? You owe me more than that, Klavier. _He ran his fingers through his hair, startled when his phone rang again. He answered it this time, without looking at the caller ID, preparing himself for a difficult conversation. "Hello? Apollo? Are you coming over later? Trucy wants to see you." ___False alarm._

The phone remained untouched. Klavier couldn't bring himself to even look at it. Goodbye. The word played on repeat, like a song on loop; over and over he could hear Apollo's voice cutting him off. He'd been so stupid. So, so fucking stupid. Apollo could have been a new start, a new everything. Now it was gone and it was all his fault. He'd ruined another persons life again by being a selfish bastard_. ____Well, I won't be ruining anybody else's life. _

The letter had been waiting when he'd come in from court. It was Klavier's handwriting and it had no stamp. Apollo's stomach twisted with all sorts of emotions as he sat down on the sofa they'd shared their first kiss and slowly opened it. It would have opened quicker had his damn hands not been shaking so hard.

_"____Apollo, _

___I can't be sure how long it's been, you said three months, but it may as well be three years by now. That night, I still don't know what I did to you but the memories I have of it do not fill me with confidence that it was entirely lawful. You don't need me in your life, nobody needs me in their life. Kristoph is going to die (well, he might already be dead, I don't know) and that's my fault, no matter how I disguise it. _

___I'm sorry for the voice mail I sent you, that was me panicking about losing you. Then I realised how selfish I was being. You said goodbye right? That means you don't want me part of your life any more. I didn't listen and I guess by writing this and giving it to you I'm still not listening am I? I'm sorry, I don't have anybody else to give my note to, nobody would find it in my apartment._

___Have a good life, be it with Ema , Phoenix or even Trucy. I ask that you don't try to find me. It's best for both of us this way, I can't hurt you if I don't ever see you again, right? I'm not in any place to make demands but don't show this to anybody please, I wrote this for you Apollo. The one I thought I could use to save me. Instead I shoved that back in your face...Fuck I even raped you didn't I?_

___So this is my goodbye to you Apollo._

___- Klavier"_

**END**


End file.
